Post by JULIET ACADIA KNAPPETT on Aug 19, 2013 20:53:29 GMT -8
| [atrb=style,width: 420px; background-color: efefef; background-image: url(http://24.media.tumblr.com/0478144b9f16c95a37367d1aca56b45c/tumblr_mkfax8tDxp1s97ldco1_500.png); padding: 5px, bTable] JULIET A. KNAPPETT thirty-two | straight | unemployed | vistor | kate hudson ❀ dear you / july 1999 / age eighteen. |
i can't believe they are making me do this... anyway, they say i'm supposed to tell you about myself, so... i'm eighteen. fresh out of high school! and of course, now that i've gotten out of one hell, i'm thrown into another... yeah, i guess i have a problem (or at least that's what they've been telling me), and that's why i'm in this place, writing this stupid letter to you. i don't see a big problem with you. okay, yes, i understand that it has to do with the fact that i'm only eighteen, but that's the thing. i'm almost an adult. i can drink a six-pack of beer by myself if i want to. and i have been, for two years. starting with before a school dance where i ended up doing crazy things. but it was all okay, because i didn't remember them. it didn't seem real for nine whole months. well, it's lights out now, but i think i have to do this every day, so you'll be hearing a lot about me. so i hope you get used to it.
--- love, jules
❀ dear you / october 2002 / age twenty-one.[/i]
well, hi. remember me? i'm your old friend from a few years ago. anyway, i think i've gotten control over my problem. either that, or i've learned not to want you as much anymore. so how have you been? just kidding, i know you can't answer me, this isn't harry potter. so i met this guy. he's the definition of perfection in every way. i think i really might like him. we've been going out for a few weeks now, and every week-iversary, he buys me flowers and hand-makes me a card that's super cheesy, but i love it just the same. we're taking a big step in our relationship -- he's giving me a section of his closet, and i'm doing the same. thankfully, his place already has two sinks, so we don't have to share, unlike in mine. i really think i'm in head-over-heels marry-me-one-day kind of love with him. he is 100% my romeo, and i love him. oh! he's here, it's date night and my choice. wish me (and, well, him) luck!
--- juliet
❀ dear you / december 2006 / age twenty-six.[/i]
wow, i still have this? i thought i would have thrown it out when i moved into his place. well, since i do, i'm going to vent to you and there is nothing you can do about it. do you have any idea how hard it is to stay away from you when you're celebrating something amazing? something like a wedding proposal? something like a 100% out of the blue wedding proposal, an amazing wedding proposal in which he caught me completely by surprise. he took me out to dinner and a movie, like we do every tuesday night. we had chinese and the ring was in my fortune cookie. it was really cheesy, but i loved it. this is so hard. while he's partying it up down there with all our friends and family, i'm just sitting here alone. i'm twenty-six. i should be able to drink if i want to. damn, he found me. bye.
--- me
❀ dear you / february 2009 / age twenty-eight.[/i]
i caved. but i had to. he wanted me and i just wasn't in the mood... so he poured me a drink, not knowing what it would do to me. but it was just one drink.or two. or three.and now i can't stop thinking about you again. and now he's saying we should try to get pregnant? doesn't he understand what you do to me? no, he doesn't. because it's not like i ever told him. about you, or about her. because, in a way, i feel like he would think less of me if he knew that i have already had a kid... well, this should be interesting. i hate you.
--- jules
❀ dear you / june 2011 / age thirty.[/i]
so he sent me back here, to hell. well, it was my mother and him, of course. because she picked up on the signs that i was drinking again right away when we went to my parents' place for a start-of-the-summer bbq. it's harder now, being that i'm older, but they still haven't changed their methods. he told me i need to "smarten up" if i want to try and have a baby with him. and i do. i really want to be the one to carry his baby. i can just picture what that baby would look like, too, and that's why it's so hard. because i just don't want to risk him or her becoming like me. and at the same time, i don't want him to have him see me with stretch marks. i know i don't look like most future mothers do, who seem to look downright amazing while carrying a child. i look like an oompa loompa. trust me. there were a few pictures from way back then, but i burned them. except for one. but it's hidden and i don't even remember where it is. so today i called him and told him i'm not ready and that he should find someone new to try with. he didn't even say anything. he just hung up.
--- juliet
❀ dear you / september 2012 / age thirty-one.[/i]
well, i lasted one year, three months, and two days before i caved again. but it was only because i was super stressed. i needed a break, i needed a way to relax.and it didn't help that it was her birthday last night.please don't get me hooked on you again. i'm trying so hard, but it's so easy to come back into you. into the habit. i hope i can keep it hidden, at least for a while. then i'll try to stop for good again.
--- love jules
❀ dear you / january 2013 / age thirty-one.[/i]
well. i haven't touched, smelled or wanted a drink in thirteen days. i know this is going to sound stupid, but i'm trying to quit. i forgot to day he's back now. wait, did i ever say he left? never mind. well, he found you. now he's trying to quit, as well. at least he hasn't brought up the topic of children... but he knows about her now. and he hasn't said anything to me about it, and i'm kind of hoping that he never will. and that maybe he'll just pretend that it never happened. but at the same time, i know that one day, she will be a topic of discussion.
--- juliet
❀ dear you / may 2013 / age thirty-one.[/i]
well, it's official! we're going to be parents. it happened so fast, it's almost unreal. but he did tell me that he put our name on the list a while ago. anyways, we're off to go pick up our little boy!
--- love jules
❀ dear you / may 2013 (same day) / age thirty-one.[/i]
well... we were doing so good. we accidentally had celebratory drinks and now we've gone through something like three bottles of wine. at least dave (that's what we named him) is sleeping. but we have to hide and/or return all the bottles before our house inspection tomorrow. but aw, my little baby is so cute. seeing him this little makes me wonder what she looked like as she grew up... now i actually wish i had never given her up... then again, if i hadn't, i wonder how much my life would have changed. then again, if she was still in my life, i wonder if he would be.
--- love jules
❀ dear you / june 2013 / age thirty-one.[/i]
so. having a baby and not being able to sleep when he does isn't fun... not fun at all. my husband, being the good man that he is, has stayed home from work a few times so that i can try to get some sleep, but it doesn't even work. even when he takes dave out, i still can't sleep! and it doesn't help that i am, again, on the not-drinking side of the horrible cycle i fall into. why can't life be easy?
--- the sleep-deprived juliet
❀ dear you / july 2013 / age thirty-one.[/i]
the doctor says i have a problemlike i didn't already know that. i only went to see a therapist because for the past few days, i've been hearing voices. telling me to kill myself, him, the baby... and i almost would have, if it were not for the fact that he came home early. the doctor says i have bipolar and it hasn't been diagnosed before. he's starting me on some meds that should help with everything. but at least i'm back home... baby's crying, i'll keep you posted.
--- love jules
❀ dear you / august 2013 / age thirty-one.[/i]
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i'm free. free to run like the wind. that is, so long as i take my medication. i decided not to go home. i figure that him and the baby will be much better off without me, so i ran. took out as much cash as i could and now i'm in a little town -- it seems so quiet and peaceful, i wonder what's wrong with it. i'll keep you posted, but i'm going to try and get some sleep since, for once, i'm actually tired. i have no idea as to how this is going to turn out.
--- love your juliet
BEHIND THE MASK
steph | 19 | pacifc | a long time ago 
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