BAY, ZAYN AARON

[ZAYN AARON BAY]

[atrb=style,width: 420px; background-color: efefef; background-image: url(http://24.media.tumblr.com/0478144b9f16c95a37367d1aca56b45c/tumblr_mkfax8tDxp1s97ldco1_500.png); padding: 5px, bTable] ZAYN A. BAY TWENTY | STRAIGHT | WELDER | LOCAL | JUSTIN BIEBER In this very moment I'm king Looking out the window, the red and blues are flashing behind me, and I know I am screwed. My vision is blurry, and I can't focus on anything, but the five-0 is yelling through my window, and my far distant glaze shifts to make out the large face in my window, he's carrying a flashlight and he's shining it into my face. I squint and try to cover my eyes, but he's demanding for me to get out of the car. His words are echoing in my thoughtless skull, and I try to comply with his demands. He's asking me questions and no answers are forming, i remain silent, not a word escapes my numb lips, my buddy still hasn't gotten out of the car, and maybe I'd think to recognize that it isn't a good sign, but the drugs pumping through my system isn't allowing me to realize how bad all of this really is, my whole life, my family's reputation and everything else is on the line, and yet all I can do properly is stare at my shoes, and notice a black skid mark across it's white finish, and my anger flares, I know these little bacon bastards are responsible for it. I look up, and mr. pig is staring over me, flashing his light in my face, WHAT DID YOU TAKE? he is asking and I let out a laugh, what hadn't I taken? When drugs are at my fingertips at all times, it's just not enough to make money off of selling, sampling it is part of the business. I know I should be worried that they will find out I've been selling, but all I can do is laugh. I am standing up and being cuffed, a new vehicle has pulled up to the scene and they are checking out my buddy, who still has not made it out of the car. As I'm getting placed into the car I realize, it's an ambulance and I can't hide my excitment, "yo, I've never road in one of those before!" I say, a smile blastered across my face, and I know they are reading me my rights, but I don't give a shit. In this very moment I slayed Goliath with a sling I am in an orange jumpsuit and I've got tears fresh in my eyes. I've been in this cage for 72 hours and I've just found out that my buddy overduced and was found dead on the scene. I'm looking at time behind bars. My mom has just left, and she's mad at me, but she cried all the same. She's disappointed in my bad decisions, but I'm only sixteen and i'm bound to make mistakes, she just had no idea how bad it was. Because of our drug cocktail, it took me several days to become aware of my surroundings, and the seriousness of my situation. Now that I am completely sober and clean of drugs, I know how bad it seems to have been drugged up and driving, and they wonder how long I was driving while my friend was gone. I cry more than anything about the lose of my friend, his parents will never get to say good-bye and though it's not my fault that Teddy got mixed up in drugs, I was definitely feeding his need over the last year. I cry because I know that I am going to be blamed for everything, and I know that it was partially my fault, I just don't want to go down for all the crimes that were not committed by only me. I am selfish, and angry, and I know I'm not thinking right. The surge of need to fill myself with the drugs that could take away this pain, this sadness is overwhelming, and I know that the withdrawls is going to keep me, and maybe Teddy just got the easy way out. I am jealous of him for being able to escape the responsiblities that I now have to hold onto. This very moment I bring I am out of jail now, they ruled it an accidental overdsose, but I am now getting surprised drug tested, I am wondering if being involved with his shit was going to be the worst thing that could happen to me, but then I realize there isn't really much else that could go wrong for me. I am only sixteen and have already done time in the slammer. I have returned to my girlfriend, Tristan, which I am sure is not all that excited to see me, but I act like nothing has happened. Though I am no longer on drugs, I am still dealing, I just cannot give up the money that it brings in. For a guy my age, the money is intoxicating, almost as much as the drug itself. If I can just stay clean for a couple months, they will not be watching me as closely, I do not want to risk being thrown into rehab. I know my relationship with Tristan is not the greatest, but I have missed her, and I can tell she has missed me too, in her own little way. We havent' been truly happy for a long time, which is pathetic to say that we stay in a relationship that has so many struggles, but we are the only thing each other has ever known, and the thought of letting anyone else into my fucked up life is more scary than anything, I am making a silent promise to work on my issues and be a better guy. I am eighteen now. I have worked on my problems, only to see other problems come to the surface. I am now jealous, and I get mad at her for the littest of things, even just looking at someone else while we are out together. I know I am being crazy but I can't help the way that she makes me insane. Sometimes, I just cannot keep my hands off of her, I want to hurt her the way she's hurt me, and I know thats wrong, but somehow I can't stop myself. Tristan is pregnant, she swears it's mine, but my jealousy can't let me accept it, I am jealous and I feel like she is hiding something. Regardless, I've given up dealing along side my already given up drug uses. I will become the man she deserves for that baby that's growing inside her belly, if it takes everything in me to be that guy she needs, I will do it. I told my parents yesterday that Tristan and I were going to have a baby, my mom slapped me and told me that I should have been more careful, I know she's right. She's never liked our relationship, always called it toxic, the way that we make each other hurt. Now that the baby is almost 3 months along, I have gotten myself a steady job, I work as a welder for a construction company, I will do just about anything to help us make it through this. I even bought her a ring, I want to ask her to be my wife, and to spend the rest of our lives together, but I'm scared of the answer. Part of me thinks she just wants to have the kid, put it up for adoption and be rid of me. The way I talk to her, scream in her face and make her cry, hurts me the way her scared tears come flying down her face, but I just can't stop once I've thought of it. Put it on everything, that I will retire with the ring Tristan had a miscarriage and I can't say that I'm surprised, I blame myself for it. All the stress that I put her through. I am a changed man, even now that we are apart, I know that she desrves much more than I could ever give her. This is for the best, and even now that my heart is shattered, I know that I do not deserve her or her love. I am now twenty years old and I fight my anger problems on a daily bases, I know that I have not always been the guy that I am today, and it's embarrassing to me that I could get so jealous and so angry. I have kept myself out of serious relationships in fear of how I might treat them when I get angry. When a relationship gets to a certain point, you begin to think that they belong to you, and that treating them badly is just apart of it. I cannot allow myself to get that close to anyone ever, because I am too fucked up. BEHIND THE MASK ALEX | 23 | CENTRAL | REOCCURING | ZAC, GUNNAR, ADAM