Post by BELA TAMARA ROYCE on Jul 8, 2013 11:05:51 GMT -8
| [atrb=style,width: 420px; background-color: efefef; background-image: url(http://24.media.tumblr.com/0478144b9f16c95a37367d1aca56b45c/tumblr_mkfax8tDxp1s97ldco1_500.png); padding: 5px, bTable] BELA T. ROYCE 15 | HETEROSEXUAL | RUNAWAY | HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT | ABIGAIL BRESLIN DEFINE: BELA WHITE / DESTRUCTION / NOBLE bela (czech). white. bela (hebrew). destruction. bela (hungarian). nickname for albert; noble. "well, there you have it. a lot of people look up the meaning for their name and get a spot-on description of themselves. like it was meant to be or whatever. like they grew into the person they are now because it's what their name means. me? i don't think so. i mean, for starters, i'm a girl. did you know bela's a boy name? just because it doesn't have two l's. i'm named after běla kolářová, this czech artist and photographer. i did a school project on her in fifth grade. i looked up what the girl version means once -- intelligent, beautiful, devoted to god, yielding to prayer. does that mean i'm supposed to be beautiful and smart and flawless? because i definitely don't feel like any of that. i think the guy name suits me more, you know? especially the destruction part. i'm, like, surrounded by destruction. it kind of fits." people with this name have a deep inner desire for a stable, loving family or community, and a need to work with others and to be appreciated. "that's the part that gets me, really. i mean, come on -- a deep inner desire for a stable, loving family? a need to work with others and be appreciated? seriously? yeah, maybe it'd be nice if my family was a little more... i don't know, let's say... put-together. but i deal with it. i've learned, you know? i've figured out that family doesn't mean perfect. people aren't always super close. people hate each other. people hurt each other. it happens." people with this name tend to be idealistic, highly imaginative, intuitive, and spiritual. they seek after spiritual truth and often find it. they tend to be visionary and may inspire others. if they fail to develop their potential, they may become dreamers or misuse power. "i guess you could say i'm imaginative. i mean, i act a lot, if that counts for anything. not, like, on stage. just in life, in general. i have to. i put on a happy face and imagine that i'm someone else, someone who loves life, who has a good life. it's not that hard for me. does that count as imaginative? or am i just reading too much into this, trying to become one of those kids who looks at their name and sees them?" DEFINE: SISTER HAVING THE SAME PARENTS AS ANOTHER PERSON noun. 1: a female person having the same parents as another person. 2: half-sister (see stepsister). 3: a female person who belongs to the same group, trade union, etc., as another or others. 4: informal. a form of address to a woman or girl, used esp. by black people in the us. 5: a senior nurse. 6: chiefly rc church. a nun or a title given to a nun. 7: a woman fellow member of a church or religious body. 8: modifier. belonging to the same class, fleet, etc., as another or others. a sister ship. 9. modifier. biology denoting any of the cells or cell components formed by division of a parent cell or cell component. sister nuclei. "alphonse, that's his name, my brother. he goes by aj. it's a lot simpler, you know? we're pretty close. well, we were. i kind of pretend we still are, but i haven't seen him in five years, so i guess we aren't anymore. he's a lot older than i am, you know. eight years older. neither of our fathers were really in the picture -- i mean, we've got different ones, and i never met aj's, and i never met mine, either -- so he was pretty much a father and a brother, all rolled into one. none of my friends really understood, when i was little and he came to pick me up from school and stuff. because he doesn't talk, he's mute. and deaf. so, you know, it was hard to talk to him. i kind of had to learn sign language by trial and error, and i'm a little rusty now. i haven't signed anything in, like, five years. and i don't think i ever did it right, really. i pretty much just tried to mime things at him." "i think he took care of me, when i was little. he'd have to go to school, obviously, but after he would just rush home and look after me. change my diapers -- gross, right? -- and feed me and whatever. mom's not... well, the best, really. she's an alcoholic, right? and just basically addicted to anything she can be. she mostly neglects me; i think that's the right word. i'm used to it. but aj was kind of the only person i was really around until i started kindergarten." "anyway, aj moved out when he was sixteen -- i was eight, exactly how old he was when i was born. he taught me how to take care of myself. cook and clean and get myself to and from school and find money under couch cushions. but he left fort kent -- that's the tiny little town where i'm from -- two years after that, and i haven't seen him since." DEFINE: ABUSE BAD OR IMPROPER TREATMENT / MALTREATMENT verb (used with object). 1: to use wrongly or improperly; misuse. 2: to treat in a harmful, injurious or offensive way. 3: to speak insultingly, harshly and unjustly to or about; revile; malign. 4: to commit sexual assault upon. 5: obsolete. to deceive or mislead. 6: bad or improper treatment; maltreatment. 7: a corrupt or improper practice or custom. 8: rape or sexual assault. "well, i already told you my mom's an alcoholic, a druggie, and just... generally unfit to be a real parent. it doesn't help that she's the only parent i've got, now that my brother's gone, too. i never knew my dad. like, i don't even know his name. he's nobody. mom has this endless parade of temporary boyfriends running through the house, never really goes more than a couple weeks without one -- and before you ask, none of them ever touched me. not like that." "i mean, other ways. physically, but not sexually. i guess mom satisfies their sexual desires or whatever. but they're drunk or high most of the time, mom and whichever boyfriend she's on -- i've stopped counting now -- and even when they're not, they're... crazy, for lack of a better word. it was better when aj was around. they wouldn't do as much. aj was like my guard, you know. he'd always step in front of me the moment either mom or her boyfriend raised a hand. he took the hits for me, and i shouldn't appreciate it because it hurt him, but i do." "mostly, it's neglect. i never really got picked up from school after aj left. i know the walk between my house and my school like the back of my hand; i could walk it blindfolded. i don't get a lot to eat -- it's not like i'm anorexic or anything, but sometimes people look at me like they think i am. it's not like i do it by choice. i've gotten used to it, you know? the hunger doesn't hurt me anymore. when we have food, i cook for myself -- aj taught me how. i do the laundry. i clean the house. i pick up all mom's beer bottles and needles and stuff, i know how to get rid of them. it's been my life for seven years now, since aj moved out." "it got worse after he moved out, i guess. i didn't have him to shelter me anymore, you know? there was no one to stand up for me, to take the hits. i learned not to fight back; it made it worse. i'd wait until it was over and find the band-aids i hid in my room. that's the number one rule with mom: don't fight back." DEFINE: ABANDONED FORSAKEN / DESERTED / UNRESTRAINED / UNCONTROLLED adjective. 1: forsaken or deserted. 2: unrestrained or uncontrolled; uninhibited. 3: utterly lacking in moral restraints; shameless; wicked. "mom never left, not really. she'd disappear for a couple days every once in a while, but she always came back. it was aj that never came back. like, for a while, he did -- after he moved out, he'd call every once in a while to check in, and sometimes i'd go over to his place, but that didn't last long. two years doesn't feel like a long time for that. and then he just picked up and left. i got a goodbye, but... i don't feel like it was -- i don't know -- sufficient. and after that, there were no phone calls." DEFINE: INDEPENDENT NOT INFLUENCED OR CONTROLLED BY OTHERS adjective. 1: not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc. thinking or acting for oneself. 2: not subject to another's authority or jurisdiction. autonomous; free. 3: not influenced by the thought or action of others. 4: not dependent. not depending or contingent upon something else for existence, operation, etc. 5: not relying on another or others for aid or support. 6: rejecting others' aid or support. refusing to be under obligation to others. 7: expressive of a spirit of independence. self-confident. unconstrained. 8: an independent person or thing. "i learned to survive on my own. i had to, didn't i? and aj taught me how, and that made it easier, really." "i can cook -- somewhat, i mean. obviously, i'm not some fifteen-year-old five-star chef. but i can make food without burning it. cheap stuff like kraft dinner and peanut butter sandwiches and canned soup. enough to live off, but not to make a living off it. i'm not going to some fancy culinary school. i probably won't even manage to go to college, really, let's face it." "cleaning? i can do that, too. i can organize a room, i can dispose of broken glass and used needles. i can sweep; the vacuum's been broken for a few years, and a broom doesn't really get all the dirt, but it's better than nothing. i can do laundry. i can clean a toilet, a sink, a shower. it's not like i live in a complete dump. maybe the house is small, maybe it's a little cramped. it doesn't have to be perfect." "i've been making money, too. it's not like i have a job or anything -- i find loose change in the couch cushions, i pick up pennies off the sidewalk. i do odd jobs for the neighbours. i think they feel bad for me. they teach me how to use their lawn mowers, they let me walk their dogs. i pull weeds for them, i wash their windows, i water their plants, i wash their cars. the one thing i'm not trusted with is babysitting. it's like they think that you can inherit parenting abilities. and i'm fine with that. i mean, what if it's true? maybe i'm going to turn into mom one day. i learned that in school. most people take on their parents' traits, no matter how hard they try not to. it's like a cycle." "i guess i kind of steal things, too. don't tell anyone, okay? i mean, i take a twenty every now and then from mom's stash. i look through her boyfriends' wallets when they're not looking. i stole this one woman's purse one time -- it was worth it, too, i made ninety dollars in cash, left the wallet with all her cards and everything in the bathroom at the coffee shop, and sold the purse on ebay using one of the computers at the library. i might have taken a few small things from the neighbours, too -- a tricycle here, a vase there. i sold mom's favourite necklace. she still doesn't know where it is. i'm sneaky. it's how i get money for food. i need it, you know?" DEFINE: RUNAWAY A PERSON WHO RUNS AWAY / FUGITIVE / DESERTER noun. 1: a person who runs away. fugitive. deserter. 2: the act of running away. 3: a young person, especially a teenager, who has run away from home. 4. unchecked. rampant. 5: informal. deserting or revolting against one's group, duties, expected conduct, or the like, especially to establish or join a rival group, change one's life drastically, etc. "i found out where aj is last summer. brunswick, maine. i'd been trying to track him down on the library computers for a year already by then -- mostly because i realized that i couldn't live with mom and her precious stream of boyfriends and booze much longer. and i finally did it. jalfonz. that's his instagram. he mostly posts pictures of this little dog and some girl named darsee. he looks like he's doing okay. he looks like he actually has fun every once in a while." "i guess that's why i saved up all the money i could for my entire freshman year of high school, huh? i bought a bunch of nonperishable food and stuff the day after school let out for the summer. i didn't even leave a note for mom and her current boyfriend -- his name's jake, the fourth jake since aj left -- when i took off. it's not like they'll really care, is it? i mean, they're busy. they have other things on their minds. i'm not going to be missed. the only person who's going to notice i'm gone is miranda. she's my best friend, and she doesn't even know half of what happens at my house. she's never been there. we've been friends since the first grade, and she's never been to my house." "i walked. i was going to bus, but what if the police track the library's browser history? the librarian knows i use her computers practically every day. i had no way to look up bus schedules, so i walked. i hitched a ride or two, and i'm almost there. it's been -- what, seven days? -- and my feet hurt, but i keep walking. i sleep on park benches and under trees. i think i've got bags under my eyes from not getting enough sleep, because you aren't supposed to sleep in public parks and i have to wake up early and keep walking. i'm scared of the dark, you know. falling asleep in a park at midnight isn't easy. i've been showering at community rec centers and eating granola bars, crackers, and mcdonald's." "aj doesn't know i'm coming. no one knows where i am, where i'm going, what i'm going to do when i get there. i don't even know what i'm going to do. just show up at his door and try to remember what little sign language i half-know? this is a stupid idea, isn't it? but i'm only going to brunswick because i don't know where else i'm supposed to go." BEHIND THE MASK RACHEL | 18 | GMT -8 | STEPH LINKED ME | TRISTAN & ANALIESE don't look at me. XP |
