Post by emelia luciana garland on May 19, 2013 2:47:56 GMT -8
| [atrb=style,width: 420px; background-color: efefef; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/6jh1H.png); padding: 5px, bTable] EMELIA LUCIANA GARLAND TWENTY ONE | HETERO | RECEPTIONIST | LOCAL | LYNDSEY FONSECA they say that life flashes before your eyes when you are faced with death, square in the face. in my case, it was a gun that i had not been expecting by a man that i had only seen once but i did not believe that he saw me. maybe i was foolish in thought, thinking that my ears were deciveving me when i was in the mansion, wondering around looking for the bathroom. the place is too big, anyone could get lost but i found myself in a whole new world, one that i was naïve to think did not exist—this is how i entered the prison that i am in today. stuck with a person who i thought was my best friend but now, i don’t know who he is. i don’t love him anymore. i can’t see him as a human, just a monster who took the life of another and come to find out that was not his first life that he stripped away—but i can’t step away, not just out of safety, but out of emotion. he was my everything for years, how can you just walk away from that? the love that i felt for him, confessed through the temptress that is alcohol still stuck on my lips, begging for him to press his to mine. falling asleep to dreams of us being together like a fucking fairy tale. that was the start of the cracks in our foundation. people claimed that were all crumpets, sweet together, made for one another but i was not made for this world. i’m not as strong as people think. having a gun to my head proved that. it proved to me that i am just as weak as the next person, even killian but he can act strong. at this stage in my life, i can’t even be that good of an actress. i can’t pretend to be happy in a forced life, now stuck to his side like a trophy wife, thrown to the sidelines and having strings tied to my limbs. i’m no longer in control of my own life but now that i think about it—was i ever? screaming as she entered the world, the girl continued to scream for three long, exhausting days after being expelled into the cruel world that she would grow to love and fear. which was better would be unknown until death, but for now, it was a scary place. three days were spent with her lungs burning, stopping only for the small moments of rest that was brought to her by pure exhaustion from the lack of air reaching her lungs. doctors said that she had a pair of lungs, still fussy even in the loving arms of her mother and father. she hated her brother, still does to this day but that hate is not as strong and flittered down to nothing more than an annoyance. three days at home screaming, keeping the family awake, refusing nutrients until a doctor was brought to the house informing the parents to try different things. the only thing that would calm her down in the end was bring brought outside. it was her first taste of freedom as they put her into a stroller and would take family walks, a tradition that was held until millie turned sixteen. she loved to feel the wind on her face and would giggle instead of cry, outdoors was where she was meant to be. the four walls would drive her to insanity some days after but she eventually adapted, as she always did from these early days and on but it took her time to readjust but always her happiest when she was outside, in the open and just feeling free that was the first memory that rushed through my head and i did not even know that i had the capability to remember that but suppose that would make sense as the edge of death was close and suppressed memories arise suddenly. there were little details that would never have come to me if a gun had not been shoved against my forehead, and I was studying too. that makes it worse to me. mixing school with death. now i can’t even finish school because killian would have to go with me. online classes are not the same. as much as i wanted to be outside when i was a baby, i would kill, literally, for fresh air in my own house right now. living with killian had been a fantasy of mine but in it, we had a life, a normal one with a possible marriage under our belt and maybe a kid. the way that we are living together now, same house but different rooms, just bad roommates is not ideal. it was not what i expected but nothing in my life seemed to really go my way anyway. besides not being in control of any decision in my big life moments, i had no choice but to do what was asked of me. why? not because I needed to please people but because i was just that kind of girl and still am. i don’t expect people to care if i bend over backwards for them which is why i don’t, that’s people pleasing. following an order, that’s being nothing but a coward—which i am. i nearly let killian walk out of my life because of a confession, drunk and sober, that had been building up for too long. nearly let years of friendship be tossed away and i let him do what he wanted, why? because i could never disobey an order, it’s a sickness really. i can so no but in the end, it will be done. i bow to those that i know are more powerful than me, like these mafia men. anything they have asked of me has been done but not without giving killian an earful, too scared to speak out against them face to face but easily able to talk behind their back. (translated from italian)"bella, come back here.." said a small boy, his thick accent putting the young girl off. bright eyes, brunette hair, a little firecracker at that age as she turned around and lost all confidence in what she was going to say. "what?" she asked with a narrowed eye look that soon fell when she found the boy to be much taller, and much bigger than her, at least for an eight year old. "want to split an apple?", holding out the fruit to the young girl which she stared at before her eyes trailed back to the boys, "why would i want that?" she asked, not with a tone that suggested she was not interested as her stomach rumbled to the sight of the apple as lunch had been given to them yet, "cause it's breaking the rules.." which was true as the teacher had not given them permission to eat. reaching her hand out slowly, she inched closer and then pulled back. her eyes trained on the apple as she pushed herself to bend to the rules but the thought of a punishment came to mind. not just from her teachers either, but from her mother too. shaking her head, she took a step back and allowed her hand to fall to her side, "no..." and turned on her heel to stroll away. she heard him yelling something, fast in their native tongue but she had to shrug him off. the idea of hurting his feelings was not what was sitting on the back of her mind as he was the lesser of two evils, it was the shadow that was being casted over her smaller one to suggest that a teacher was looking to her with a ruler in her hand. it was a bit of a random thing to be thinking about in a moment of death but it was just another moment where i could not stop thinking about the punishment that would be had. there was a rule in my school for boys and girls interacting and that ruler was slapped against my knuckles while a few kids watched, including that little fucker who got me in trouble. he snickered and at me and as a revenge, later that week, i asked a friend to go talk to the boy and he ended up with the same treatment, plus he took the apple that was offered to him with a greedy hand. to me, it’s always an eye for an eye. punishment and gratitude. it was a simple concept even as a child as if i bit my brother, which I did a number of times, my mother would bite me. the wooden spoon in our house was on call for me always as i grew up to have opinions and some people did not appreciate that simple fact. it did not change the fact that i had them, and still do to this day. i try and keep them to myself in dire situations but sometimes, i’m too quick to judge and my mouth often opens before i can really truly think of the consequences. it’s not pride that stops me from taking it back either. i know when i crossed the line, not usually in front of an authority figure, but if I do, no apology will ever come from me. too rooted to believing in myself, maybe a little over confident in that retrospect, but it just happened growing up. not sure where the turn was, what caused me to be so assuring and confident in myself while still submitting to others—just a huge contradiction in everything aspect that I am. complex is a good word for me. leaving italy was the hardest choice to make for my parents. i was almost a full fledged adult and given the chance to study in the states. english was a second language in my home as my father was british. their love story was always something that I dreamed happening to me, so going away to another country was the perfect chance for this. though I do believe in love and romance, I don’t expect it all the time. I prefer to watch movies on a couch then go out to a fancy restaurant. no need to flaunt the love between me and someone else, as long as i know that it’s there, that’s what matters. maybe that is why killian and i were so easy. it was carefree but never labelled, few drunk kisses but never further. people believed for us to be a couple but i never saw it until one dream occurred and i just saw him differently. that dream of mine turned out to be a nightmare but that’s a given as loving him got me screwed over. befriending him actually, that fucked up my life beyond belief. i got too close, it just took some time for that to happen. should have known i guess. more memories went through my mind at that moment—those were far more important than my childhood days. killian was so different but there was always something that made him detached and that made me attached—if that makes sense. the more he pushed, the more we were pulled into one another. memories of him were coming and going faster than those of my childhood, hitting me harder than thoughts of my mother and father holding me when i fell from a three story window when i was six. or the time that my brother threw me and missed, making me hit my head and getting a concussion. he was a brat then and still is but at this point, italy is a far better choice than america. ”millie, rise and shine sweetie..” spoke a calming voice that caused bright eyes to appear as she opened them, pulling herself out of a dream filled slumber. three weeks in her new home, thanks to her father’s job, and she had been able to sleep, get used to the time change and get ready for school to begin. “morning papa..” she replied, sitting up and rubbing her eyes as she pressed a kiss to his cheek before sliding out of bed and putting on her fluffy bunny slippers, heading into the bathroom to make herself look presentable for the first day of school. her father agreed to drive her, and she was set on being on time as punctuality was always a thing with her. she hated to be too early or late, so arriving on the bell after taking ten minutes to try on an outfit, she was confident that it was going to be a good year—just two more according to the US system. stepping into the front office, twirling a tresses before tucking it behind her ear as the receptionist looked to her and she gave a smile, “oh hi..i’m new. ememlia garland..” waving the papers in her hand that had proof that she was in fact emelia garland and not an imposter. the woman waved her off which had her brows furrow, “i just need..” but the phone cut her off and the receptionist took to answering that instead of millie’s question. she had half a mind to hang up the call for her, generously of course, but she waited, the woman was an authority figure after all. a tap to her shoulder had the girl spinning around and being faced with a familiar face which should have brought comfort but he did not look so happy to see her, “you’re my guide?” she asked, hesitant to take the needed tour. she got a simple nod which caused a tick to her jaw, verbal communication was better but her accent was still thick and maybe she did not make sense, “right..” she replied before taking the papers and folding them, giving the same wave to the secretary and could have added a middle finger if she wanted to but she was struck upon the male before her, still handsome and still rather quiet but it was a tour—how little could he talk? maybe I was not the best person in the world at the moment. i’m still pretty skeptical but i try to remain optimistic. to answer the question that was in my head from the start upon seeing the rather evasive boy was, he could actually make a tour rather one sided. i feel like i did more talking than him but a connection was built then as easily as the conversation on the beach had gone. his friends had waved me down as i was on a job hunt for the summer, ended up getting one at the tack shoppe, but they brought me to their circle and introduced everyone. killian was like nothing in Italy, nothing that I had seen in the states. maybe the truth was that all girls loved a bad boy because he seemed to be a killer underneath all of those smiles. his eyes were piercing, his stare was intimdating and yet, i never put him above me. he stayed equal, on my level at all times. we were close, too close in fact. i ended up at a family event as his date, something that he kept saying was a bad idea but i never understood what that meant for some time until i eavesdropped. nosy, maybe a little. curious, little too much but i never thought it would be my downfall. i tried to keep my nose clean, head down as everyone in the room was completely terrifying, they just ..screamed authority and i was bowing down to their every look, curling my tail between my legs and lowering my head. teeth that were usually bared were hidden from view and claws that were always out due to the opinions that i need to defend were retracted instantly. coming across that conversation was a mistake and staying to hear the end of it was the worst decision of my life. killian is not to be blamed for that. we had our own issues a few nights later, the same night that a hit was put on my head for overhearing that single conversation that still looms in my head at night, but has no real meaning as i was not aware of the context at the time and i’m still pretty in the dark. ”down it millie!” shouted a friend, patting her back as she took the glass between her fingers and lifted it to her nose to inspect the strong smell. grimacing, nose wrinkled in disgust, she told herself that this was the last one as she brought the glass away from her face and knocked hers with killian’s, tipping it back and nearly gagging to the taste. “holy shit, that was awful!” but she laughed after her words, shaking her head and grabbing killian’s hand while her friends did the same with their own dates and platonic make out buddies for the night. grabbing a hold of him, she pulled him closer, swaying to the music that was playing, the room already starting to spin around them. “you are…you’re awesome…” she whispered into his ear, pressing a kiss to his cheek as the tradition stated in her culture, but not for this reason. it was meant for greetings of long durations of time apart and the trip that he took to the bathroom seemed like a long time. both swaying, using each other to stand, she pressed another kiss to his cheek, then to the side of his mouth and then, it just happened. it was witnessed to by a friend, more than one as their lips met. “let’s…go..to my place..” she whispered against his mouth, emotions running high due to the alcohol in their systems, “killi..come on..” giving him a wink that was meant to be seductive but just looked sloppy along with her steps. it was not uncommon for the boy to share the night in her dorm after a night of partying. her roommate was still on the dancefloor and would be for some time, finals were over and millie would have to fly home, to Italy where her parents retreated to after three years in the united states but left their two kids behind for a ‘better life’. “I’m going to miss you…” giving him another kiss as they piled into a taxi, heading for her place, lips attached but not much else happening as millie wanted to wait for the right moment for this, she had waited such a long time after all. i had been really hoping that the next memory would not be put into the mix with the rest as it hurt. it really did. my head was pounding but killian and i ended up doing nothing at the end of the night, just letting me talk as usual. it was not hard to get my feelings out to him, at least not as hard as i thought it would but what was hard was the reaction that i got. he walked out. walked out the door and told me that he could not do this anymore. another thought to us being more than friends shattered when the best friend status went out the door with him. not talking to him for that large amount of time was hard but what was worse was he never told me why. in all of our fucking years of friendship, i never once got told about who he truly was! that hurt. that fucking stings to the core and maybe that is why i’m acting out now. maybe that is why i believe that i can handle myself because the thought of relying on him again is too painful. i bow down to his father and the associates, but to killian, i’m a firecracker with nothing but negative things to say and calling him things like fucker and monster. why? this is why… she had been checking her phone for days waiting for his name to appear but it was a little disappointing with each passing day. her heart was broken but she had to worry about getting home, that was the important thing. the lights being off should have been the first sign as she returned home from her receptionist job, a part time thing that gave her enough funds for the little things that she could cook—pizza, ramen noodles, spaghetti. three steps in with the door shut behind her and millie got that sickening feeling, the dark omen feeling where it was common knowledge that something was going to happen that was not going to be savoury. she was right. a hand reached out from the darkness, pushing her against the wall, “i can see why he has such an interest in you..” said the mysterious voice of an older man, at least another ten years. it was a submissive moment but the fight was still there. she tried to pull the hand from her mouth or turn her head to avoid the brush of fingers against her soft, tear streaked cheek—they came that fast. she had no idea who ‘he’ was or why she was being pinned to a wall but she lifted her knee and was successful in the shot that she had made. giving him a shove, the girl, tear eyed, ran for the door only to be grabbed a second before she was able to twist the knob, pushed to the ground and straddled. fearing for a thing worse than death, a compromising position that would turn any girl into a hysterical mess caused her to go frigid, cold and still, “please don’t..” she whimpered out but the realization that he was not after that was a relief, until the gun was pressed to her forehead and run down the length of her face, “beg some more, maybe i will change my mind..” he whispered, his lips growing closer to her face before she turned her head away quickly, “i don’t know…who are you!?’ she finally shouted but the barrel of the gun being clicked was the worst feeling in the world as her stomach felt as though it had dropped, not from a thrill either. “don’t….don’t…please…” she begged, the moments of her life flashing before her eyes until lightening speed events caused her to lose her breath in a momentary gasp for air as the person fell to the ground, “holy shit!” she cried out while scooting backward, wiping at her damp eyes and sniffling nose with her sleeve. she slowly rose to her feet but her eyes fell upon her savior, a loaded gun in his hand, and a hardened look on her face. this...thing, this person had the same face as her best friend, the person that she confessed to loving but that was all that was familiar..”w-w-who are y-y-you..?” she asked, stepping away from the dead man on her floor but not moving closer to killian, in fact, she was taking large steps back.” that brings us to today, two weeks after I watched my best friend murder another. he saved me and i can’t accept that. he killed another for me and all i see is a monster of a man who has dragged me into this horrible world by admitting that he cared for me. i can’t accept that. i can’t bring myself to love him when i feel like i hardly know him. this bird is now caged, forced to his side to be sure that the secret remains hushed, under the radar of any police force. i’ve been brought into it but not in the same way. im more of a prisoner than a member, someone that gets used but abused to stay quiet. i think I could very well go insane at this point with how little freedom that i am given, but killiian tells me that it’s for my own good, my own safety—bull fucking shit. BEHIND THE MASK ERIN| TWENTY ONE| EASTERN | MEMBER | TALIA, HUNTER, FORD, NICK, ROMAN & CASSIDY  |
